Mario Balotelli released a public apology yesterday to Roberto Mancini for being madder than a March Hare hanging out with Playgirl Bunnies.
But the statement had more than a whiff of PR spin about it. The secret meeting between player and manager was a much more honest affair.
Here is the transcript, which was sent to me by a homeless guy from Manchester, who received it last night from Balotelli dressed as the Easter Bunny:
Balotelli: I’m really sorry for what I’ve done, boss.
Mancini: Get off your knees, Mario. You shouldn’t bend down in front of me like that. My secretary is staring. Besides, from this position it looks a convoy of caterpillars are sleeping on your head.
Balotelli: I’m here to apologise for the red card against Arsenal.
Mancini: What about the knee-high, studs-up, almost career-ending challenge on Alex Song?
Balotelli: You saw that? I thought I got away with that one.
Mancini: The whole world saw it, for heaven’s sake. It was on TV, radio, in newspapers, everywhere. Where have you been?