If you can't get a character's hair right, I don't trust you as a film-maker.

Hercules' hair is terrible.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is one of the most stunning specimens of manhood in Hollywood. And yet here, with that shaggy mop and disgusting beard, he looks like a vagrant.

Anyway, Hercules (the film) stinks.

The story is that Hercules isn't actually the son of Zeus, he's just a normal guy (with bad hair).

He leads a group of mercenaries who get hired by a king to defeat some wizard, but then he gets second thoughts about his mission.

If you like the colour brown, you'll enjoy the sets and costumes because everything is 50 shades of brown.

This is a dumb, dreary movie.

- Jason Johnson