Butt, of course
Hey, guys. I have to apologise.
There's been a trend going on for MONTHS and I have yet to write about it.
Of course, I'm talking about the butts.
They've always been there right under our noses, so to speak, but they're now finally getting their due.
There's Jason Derulo with Wiggle.
JLo and Iggy Azalea with Booty.
Nicki Minaj with Anaconda.
Nicki, Ariana Grande and Jessie J with Bang Bang.
Then there was Beyonce and Miley with the twerking.
The cherry on the butt cake is Meghan Trainor's All About That Bass, which is all about that butt.
It's been topping the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart for eight weeks.
It's the longest-running female No. 1 of 2014. Congrats, bums!
There have already been tonnes of think pieces on whether booty worship is good for women or bad for women.
Can posterior flaunters be feminists?
Are big buttocks empowering?
I don't really have answers to these questions.
What's more, I don't care.
The reason I think I missed the whole butt trend is that I've always been a butt man.
I can't remember a time when I didn't love bums.
To me, bums have been a trend since I was 11 years old.
Some of you might say, "Hey, Jason, this is TMI!"
To you I say, "Whatevs."
If you want to hear a song that puts all the current booty tunes to shame, check out Dr Hooks' Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk from 1982.
To me, it is the Mona Lisa of songs about bums: "Night falls on the city / baby feels the beat / Slick and sexy angel of the street / The queen of all the night birds / watch her when she walks / She don't say nothing / but baby makes her blue jeans talk."
Now that's butt poetry right there.
In the video, a sexy blonde with Farrah Fawcett hair struts down a skeezy looking street in mum jeans, turning heads.
Two bearded members of Dr Hook follow behind her - Ray Sawyer in signature eyepatch and cowboy hat - singing their ode to this chick's butt.
Cool back then.
Today, it's hilariously un-PC and slightly stalkery. How times have changed.
The thing that will strike you, though, is how demure the girl seems compared to today's butt queens.
She's just walking along, minding her own business; it's the guys who are making fools of themselves.
Trust me ladies, when it comes to bums, you don't have to flaunt it.
We get it.