School Of Frock: Film fests are here, but stars fail to shine

AMAL CLOONEY (B+)

Premiere of Suburbicon at the Venice Film Festival in Venice, Italy

Gown: Atelier Versace

Shoes: Aquazzura

In her first official appearance since giving birth to twins three months ago, Mrs George Clooney is determined to rub it in. Just look at her - I don't know whether to feel envious or disgusted. The lilac hue may be too girlish on her, but she is still head-to-toe glamour and elegance personified.

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ISABELI FONTANA (B-)

Premiere of The Shape Of Water at the 74th Venice Film Festival in Venice

Top: Alberta Ferretti

Skirt: Swarovski

Shoes: Manolo Blahnik

It is testament to how underwhelming this year's Venice Film Festival gowns are when a glorified sweater-and-skirt combo can sneak onto my list.

The Brazilian model keeps things cool and relaxed, and the matchy-matchy pops of emerald green pull it all together.

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REBECCA HALL (C)

Premiere of Downsizing at the Venice Film Festival in Venice

Gown: Armani Prive

Anne Hathaway wore a plain version of this face-eating ruffle frock back in April, and fashion critics tore it apart.

Jazzing it up with sequins and paillettes does not change a single thing. Hall just looks even sillier for not paying attention.

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JULIANNE MOORE (D)

The Franca Sozzani Award at the Venice Film Festival in Venice

Gown: Valentino

The wine red tulle overlay itself is acceptable, but all I can really see is the cheap light pink floral lace underlay, which obliterates any hope for this Frankendress whatsoever.

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LAURA DERN (D-)

Opening ceremony of the Deauville American Film Festival in Deauville, France

Dress and shoes: Calvin Klein

If there is an outfit that ruffles my feathers, or deserves a good plucking, this is it.

Dern deserves an acting award for maintaining her composure amid the ticklish plumage, because the rest of the world is laughing so hard right now without the need for one.