Dads die in traffic accidents before babies are born
At the left upper side of the cot sits a photo frame with a picture of herself and her husband.
Madam Siti Mariam Ishak, 29, puts it there so that from Day 1, their newborn will know what her father looked like.
Four months ago, in May, Mr Muhammad Afiq Abdul Rahim, 26, died in a motorcycle accident. Madam Siti Mariam was five months pregnant.
Mr Afiq, a lorry driver, was on his way home after passing the lorry keys to his colleague at the end of his shift.
About two weeks ago, Madam Siti Mariam gave birth to Nur Fiq' Arianna Muhammad Afiq.
She turns emotional when she recalls the time she delivered the couple's first child without her husband by her side.
She had gone to KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH) on her due date for a check-up.
She says: "My baby's heartbeat suddenly dropped, so they rushed me to the labour ward."
She started having contractions soon after.
With her voice cracking and tears tumbling down her cheeks, she tells The New Paper on Sunday: "When the contractions started, that was when I missed him the most."
She recalls: "I pushed and pushed until I could feel the head. I pushed hard because I knew she was going to be my last baby."
Within two hours, the baby was born at 2.47am on Sept 12.
She says Arianna, whose name is a combination of her nickname Aria and her husband's name, resembles her husband.
"The way she sleeps, some of her mannerisms, she is exactly like her father," she says.
Even though looking at her baby reminds her of her husband, Madam Siti Mariam takes comfort that the memories live on in the baby.
She says: "Before I gave birth, I used to spend a lot of time on my phone, flicking through his photos, to keep myself busy.
"Now, I don't have to spend so much time on the phone any more. Whenever I miss him, I just look at my baby.
"It is also a reminder for me to pray for him."
Madam Siti Mariam, who was a divorcee with two daughters, met her late husband at a karaoke outing with her friends on Good Friday in 2011. And as the gallant guy with a car, he offered to drop everyone home after the outing.
With her eyes brightening up, she says: "There were five to six of us in the car. We squeezed into his small hatchback. I was the last to be dropped off because I was living in Punggol then."
At the end of the ride, they exchanged phone numbers. After that, he started to initiate conversations with her via Facebook.
She says: "He would initiate to pick me up from work. When he started to pick up my kids, that was when things became serious."
He courted her for a year before she accepted him.
She says: "I have kids, so it is not easy for me to open up. He is also three years younger than me. Dating someone younger was not my style.
"But he was different. He was more mature, he didn't look his age from the way he spoke and behaved."
He also took pains to convince her that he was willing to accept her for who she was.
She says: "It took a long time for me to open up my heart to him."
They dated for two years and got married in November last year.Soon after, Madam Siti Mariam found out that she was expecting.
She says: "Initially, I didn't want to have a baby as I wanted to spend more time with him. I wanted to wait for two years before having one.
"But he didn't want to wait. He said I'd be old when I hit 30."
When she broke the good news to him, he didn't believe it at first.
She says: "He didn't believe the results from the pregnancy test kit. He was so kan cheong (Hokkien for anxious), he took me to a clinic to confirm."
He was a doting father to her two daughters from her previous marriage. He would take them on family outings on weekends.
Now, Madam Siti Mariam has to be a father and mother to her three kids.
She says she will be strong and is thankful for the support she has received from her family, her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Financially, she is depending on her husband's insurance money to tide her over until she looks for a job next year.
She plans to tell the baby about her father when she is older, which is why she keeps their wedding photos intact on the room walls. She also displays his belongings, such as helmets, shoes and fishing gear, in a glass cabinet in the living room.
She says: "Now, my baby is my biggest motivation in life. At least, I still have her. I have to move on with my life. She needs to have a better life, even without a father."
'I couldn't touch bear to my baby'
By MAUREEN KOH
When the nurse carried the baby to Madam Phoebe Goh at her hospital bed, she "just stared" at her first-born for a "long, long time".
"I went through a cycle of emotions that included hate, love, disgust and fear," recalls the interior designer in an interview with The New Paper on Sunday.
Finally, she told the nurse to take the baby away.
Madam Goh, 30, says: "If I could not even bear to touch him, how could I have cuddled him?"
Her son was born three months after her husband was killed in an accident.
The businessman was on his way home from a furniture store when he suffered a heart attack and lost control of the car he was driving.
In the boot of his car was the baby cot he had bought and had wanted to assemble for their child.
Madam Goh was six months pregnant then.
She recounts the moment when the police came knocking, saying: "One minute I was at the door and the next, I was on a hospital bed."
The nightmare, she adds, continued for more than a year, one filled with "tears, tears and more tears".
"It took me that long before I could finally accept that the man I love is gone," she says in a voice filled with great remorse.
The secondary school sweethearts had been married for two years before trying for a baby.
Madam Goh confesses that she feels "regret and guilt" towards her son, who turns three in November.
She says: "It was already terrible that he would grow up without a father, and to think that his mother shunned him for so many months."
Her biggest regret: She didn't breastfeed her baby.
"I left my son's formula feeds to my mum and the confinement nanny," she says.
"By the time I could bring myself to hold him for more than 10 minutes, my son was eight months old."
Madam Goh is grateful that her divorcee mother and elder sister were with her during the darkest period in her life.
Her sister, who is not married, is also her son's godmother.
"Without their unconditional love, encouragement and support, I don't think I could have come this far," she says.
Church counsellor Katherine Ong, who had arranged for this interview, says the grief process for sudden death is often very different from an anticipated one.
"The grief response is intensified because there is no time for loved ones to prepare for the loss or to bid goodbye properly," says Ms Ong.
"Other than the emotional and mental well-being of those left behind, most times there are also practical issues such as coping financially.
"The expected recovery period for such losses often takes longer than those who go through anticipated deaths.
"It is important to establish a network of loved ones and professionals for the bereaved during this time."
Madam Goh agrees that going for counselling was also instrumental in helping her on the road to recovery.
She declares with a broad smile: "I can now tell you that I am both a father and a mother to my lovely son."
And the baby cot? It is parked in the corner of her son's room.
"I want him to know that this was the last gift his father had got for him."
"By the time I could bring myself to hold him for more than 10 minutes, my son was eight months old."
- Madam Phoebe Goh, whose son was born three months after her husband had died
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