Miracle pregnancy leaves mum with stroke: "It's all worth it"
As we celebrate mothers today, we profile one woman and her journey to motherhood. The pregnancy left her paralysed, but she has no regrets
She was 36 and figured that the older she got, the more challenging it would be to have a baby.
But Madam Jessie Ong and her husband, Mr Hee Weng Yew, wanted one desperately.
Madam Ong says in Mandarin: "I wanted a complete family. A couple need a child to keep the relationship going."
But she knew there was a risk of complications.
"It was my last chance to have a baby. I took a gamble. No matter how hard it was, I would go through it."
Madam Ong and Mr Hee, who are both now 42, had tried for a baby for four years without success after getting married in 2004.
They opted for in vitro fertilisation (IVF) in 2008 but the first attempt failed.
That was the start of an emotional roller-coaster ride.
First, Madam Ong was diagnosed with diabetes.
Then her doctor told her more than a year later that her second try at IVF yielded a pair of twins. But two months later, one of the twins died in her womb.
The surviving twin was a fighter, her miracle baby. And she was going to prove to her unborn child that she was a fighter too.
The pregnancy was risky - Madam Ong had a low-lying placenta (a condition that can cause severe bleeding before or during labour), and she had to inject insulin every day to control her diabetes.
Six months into her pregnancy, she had high-blood pressure and her legs were badly swollen. She had to be admitted to the hospital twice.
There was to be no respite.
A month later, she suffered a stroke that paralysed the left side of her body. She had blood clots in her brain, too.
Madam Ong says: "On the day I had stroke, my colleagues asked me why my palms were pale. I didn't feel any pain. So I didn't pay much attention to it.
"I even went out for dinner with them for an early celebration of my birthday."
When she got home that night, she complained her legs ached and her husband gave her a massage.
But as she was walking to the toilet, she collapsed. Madam Ong says: "I couldn't lift my hand. I knew I had a stroke."
Her husband, a technical specialist, called the ambulance and she was taken to the Singapore General Hospital.
Mr Hee says in Mandarin: "She couldn't move at all. Her mouth drooped on the left and she kept drooling. She could speak only three days later."
Madam Ong gave birth to Jayden via caesarean section two weeks later. He was a premature baby at 34 weeks.
While he was discharged four days later, Madam Ong stayed another two weeks for rehabilitation.
When she was finally discharged, she sobbed uncontrollably.
"I wanted to be out of the hospital quickly so that I could see my baby. I was so happy to finally see him."
She could breastfeed her baby for only a week before her body was weak - she lost 23kg from loss of appetite.
It broke her heart when she could not carry or care for Jayden.
She says: "I love babies very much. I would look after my nephews and nieces and yet I couldn't look after my own baby. I could only cradle him on my lap with my functional right hand.
"I envy other mothers who can carry their own babies but what could I do?"
Her mother helped out for a month and then a maid for several months. She then hired a nanny to look after her baby full-time for close to three years.
GRATEFUL
Madam Ong says: "I'm grateful to the nanny. She helped look after my baby so that I could focus on my recovery."
She was determined to get well again for her family. She had almost daily sessions of physiotherapy and acupuncture for a year. She can now walk again albeit with a limp.
The blood clots in her brain had dissolved, too.
Jayden has been her guardian angel. He is protective of her and ever ready to help.
At one of her acupuncture sessions, the six-year-old almost took someone else's walking stick in his eagerness to help his mother.
When he was three years old, Jayden told his mother: "I'm sorry I made you sick. I was naughty when I was in your tummy."
Madam Ong, who was dumbfounded but touched, says: "He's such a sensible boy."
Now, the boy has taken to doing housework - like washing the toilet - on his own accord.
When asked why he does it, he says: "Because I know how to do it."
When pressed further on where he learnt to do housework, Jayden says: "My brain learnt it from the television and I learnt it from my brain."
Jayden brings much joy to his parents that they have no regrets having him.
Madam Ong says: "Even though I'm sick now, it is okay. At least, I have Jayden with me. I feel happy and satisfied. It was worth it."
My mother and me
My family never expected much from me academically. I preferred sports, drama and everything that didn't involve holding a book for hours.
I ended up going to Lasalle College of the Arts and majored in acting. On my graduation day, the moment they called my name, I walked on stage and despite the distance, I could hear my mum cheering loudly.
I took my cert, ran off the stage and gave her the biggest hug. At that point, she said, 'I knew you could do it'. I broke down at those words.
- Carla Dunareanu, 26, Fly Entertainment model-actress
It happened a few weeks ago after a Suria awards show. I was nominated for two categories but went home with nothing.
After I got home, I started wiping my make-up off. Then my mum came up to me and said, 'In my heart and in my eyes, you will always be a winner. It doesn't matter that you didn't win any physical trophies.'
Then she pulled me close and hugged me really tightly. That was really an emotional moment.
- Nadiah M. Din, 25, actress
Whenever I think about the things my mother used to tell me, it gets me emotional but in a happy way.
She used to say 'you're never too old to get a slap' whenever she needed to teach me a lesson about being respectful. I used to roll my eyes every time she said it to me.
I will never forget how she taught me respect. Whenever my kids forget their manners, I say the same things and think of her saying those words to me.
For that, I am reminded of how much of a blessing it is to have her around my kids. The thought of that is very touching.
- Wendy Jacobs, 42, model
I went through a bad break-up seven years ago and I remember my mother called me at home from work to find out how I was coping. She could tell from my voice that I wasn't doing well.
About 20 minutes after the call, I was standing aimlessly in the corridor and suddenly, I saw my mother walking towards me. She had left work early to come home. She didn't say a word. She just walked up to me and gave me the tightest hug.
At that moment, I broke down. My mother and I don't have a mushy relationship so hugs were rare. That moment, however, was priceless.
- Ian Fang, 26, actor
My mother is a staunch Buddhist. She always prays and asks for blessings and in return, will go on a vegetarian diet to 'pay back'.
I never knew about it. Apparently, it's never a one-off thing. She always does it for me to ensure I have a good run with my games. I would never have known about this if it wasn't for my sister and father, but when I found out, I was really moved.
- Gabriel Quak, 25, footballer
My mum and I were in a cab and the taxi driver asked if we were sisters. He remarked that few daughters get along so well with their mothers.
My mother turned to me and smiled. I asked her what that was for and she replied: 'You'll always be my little girl that grew up to be a true friend'.
That moved to me to tears.
- Charmaine Yee, 27, Kiss 92 DJ
At my passing out parade, my mum and I were asked to be interviewed.
The interviewer asked her how she felt about seeing me at the ceremony and although she was very shy and uneasy in front of the camera, she said she was 'glad to see me all grown up' and that she was 'proud to have a son like me'.
Those simple words made me warm and fuzzy inside. I rarely hear things like that from her only because she's not normally expressive."
- James Seah, 24, actor
Mumspeak decoded
Sometimes when mum says one thing, what she really means is something else altogether.
Here's a light-hearted look at what mum is really trying to tell you:
What she says:
It's very expensive, you don't have to buy it for me.
What she really means:
I really want it, but I won't say it. But if you get it for me, I will be really happy.
What she says:
You didn't have to spend so much money on me! Aiyah so wasteful!
What she really means:
Thank you! It really wasn't necessary but I am sure going to tell the nosy neighbour next door.
What she says:
Would you like to come over for dinner on Sunday?
What she really means:
Come over. Why have you forgotten about the woman who gave birth to you.
What she says:
Are you really wearing that to (insert family event here)?
What she really means:
Don't you dare. Get changed!
What she says:
Ask your father.
What she really means:
It's time for your father to be the bad guy.
What she says:
Don't drink that, it's mummy's medicine.
What she really means:
That's my wine. Back off.
What she says:
Eat. I prepared it for you.
What she really means:
I love you with all my heart, and nothing in this world will ever stop me from loving you. I want to hug and kiss you to little bits, but I am resisting.
- Catherine Robert
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