Neil Humphreys: Dream signings for EPL's leading clubs
Our columnist looks at an ideal purchase for each of the Super Six
The impending arrival of 2018 can mean only one thing for the English Premier League.
Managers will be sacked. But the New Year also heralds the opening of the transfer window.
So, after dusting off my crystal ball, I've picked out a dream signing for each of the top six.
MANCHESTER CITY
DREAM SIGNING: HARRY KANE
After City recently knocked over Tottenham in a one-sided farce, it was hard to pick a single Spurs footballer who might improve the table-toppers - except one.
Kane (39 goals) broke former Blackburn star Alan Shearer's 22-year-old record of 36 EPL goals in a calendar year, with a hat-trick in Spurs' 5-2 victory over Southampton yesterday.
That's Kane's career in a statistical nutshell. He's at risk of becoming a pub quiz question without a cup to his name.
A move to City will change that. Kane would make City unstoppable.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Marginally better than Tottenham winning the title, but the odds drop with every Kane goal.
MANCHESTER UNITED
EDEN HAZARD
According to several insane reports, the Chelsea winger is considering a move to Old Trafford. Presumably, Hazard didn't watch United's dire 2-1 victory at West Brom, which was teeth-itchingly dull.
Hazard's increased work ethic - thanks to Jose Mourinho and Antonio Conte - makes him the kind of incisive midfielder that the United manager typically covets.
As an inverted winger, the Belgian fits United's 4-2-3-1. But Mourinho's reluctance to take creative risks would be a factor, particularly as Real Madrid and Paris Saint-Germain are circling.
Choosing between those two clubs and United is like choosing between a Michelin-starred restaurant and a burger van in Manchester's town centre.
Both get the job done, but one is a lot more attractive and nourishing than the other.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Hazard could be a rock star at Real, but he'll need rocks in his head to rejoin Mourinho at United.
CHELSEA
THOMAS LEMAR
Thanks to Chelsea's bizarre transfer dealings, Conte is in the market for a defensive midfielder, a couple of wingers and a centre forward.
Fortunately, Lemar can play in just about all of those positions. He's 22. He's French. He's fast and plays on both wings and up front for AS Monaco.
Liverpool and Arsenal are also said to be interested, but Chelsea would've been the obvious choice - six months ago.
Conte's unpredictable temperament has filtered through the ranks. The Blues' line-up and formation change every week. The club are crying out for stability.
Lemar would provide that. However, Chelsea are also chasing the erratic Ross Barkley, which underlines how schizophrenic they are.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Lemar is a perfect fit for Chelsea. So Conte will probably sign Barkley instead.
TOTTENHAM
CENK TOSUN
If nothing else, Spurs' transfer target has the best name.
Cenk Tosun sounds like he should be in the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie, rather than leading the line at Tottenham.
The 26-year-old Besiktas striker is wanted as a back-up for Kane. The last time Spurs wanted a Kane back-up, they bought Vincent Janssen. It didn't end well.
Ironically, Kane's form makes Spurs' strike force the only reliable department. Glaring holes exist in defence and central midfield.
Tottenham's best business could be resigning the old Dele Alli and swopping him with the imposter who currently wears the No. 20 jersey.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Slim, but Mauricio Pochettino needs signings or Spurs' season will close with the transfer window.
ARSENAL
STEVEN N'ZONZI
There was a time when the Gunners were linked to the biggest names in world football.
Now they are reportedly preparing a bid for former Blackburn Rovers and Stoke City journeyman Steven N'Zonzi.
The Sevilla midfielder supposedly has a £35-million (S$62.9m) release clause in his contract, which shows his agent has a great sense of humour.
But Arsenal could use some experienced muscle in front of their back four and N'Zonzi realistically represents the limits of their current ambition.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Pretty good. N'Zonzi has been spotted at a London airport, so he's either off on an extended holiday or he's joining Arsenal - which could amount to the same thing.
LIVERPOOL
ANY CENTRE BACK YOU LIKE
The names change, but the problem remains the same.
Southampton's Virgil van Dijk is still on the radar. Watford's Christian Kabasele and Atletico Madrid's Jose Gimenez have also been mentioned.
What hasn't been discussed is that Liverpool have not conceded a goal from open play in almost a month, before their match against Arsenal.
The last thing Juergen Klopp needs is further encouragement to neglect his defence and sign another creative dynamo.
-
CHANCES OF A JANUARY DEAL:
Common sense suggests Liverpool must sign a centre back, so expect Klopp to buy another winger instead.
Get The New Paper on your phone with the free TNP app. Download from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store now