Merry Christmas EPL! 20 presents for 20 managers: Part 1
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, so here's a bunch of ideas for anyone shopping for gifts to give the 20 managers of the English Premier League. It's the top half of the table in Part 1...
1. JOSE MOURINHO (CHELSEA) - A DVD of his best lines
For some reason, Jose Mourinho doesn't quite seem like Jose Mourinho this season. Usually good for a quote, the Special One hasn't been so special in his verbal volleys lately despite his team doing well. Time for a return to form, Jose.
2. MANUEL PELLEGRINI (MANCHESTER CITY) - Replacement hamstrings for Sergio Aguero / A new brain for Eliaquim Mangala
Look, Manchester City have one of the finest strikers in the world in Sergio Aguero and it doesn't help that the superb Argentinean's hamstrings keep breaking down. Pellegrini will surely wish he had ready-made replacements for Aguero that he could just snap on whenever the old ones wear out. The Chilean boss also probably wouldn't mind having replacement grey matter for £32 million ($66m) man Eliaqium Mangala, Britain's most expensive defender who looks more like he cost 32 pence.
3. LOUIS VAN GAAL (MANCHESTER UNITED) - A brand new hospital / A rejuvenation potion for Robin van Persie
A no-brainer given the Red Devils' ridiculously atrocious injury problems. Alternatively, LVG might want a salve that will make his footballing godson RVP a full 10 years younger.
4. SAM ALLARDYCE (WEST HAM UNITED) - A 20-ton anvil
Given West Ham's lofty position, Big Sam might want the anvil to help him stay grounded lest his head gets too big.
5. RONALD KOEMAN (SOUTHAMPTON) - A parachute
They might have beaten Everton to stop their slide, but Koeman might need a parachute just in case...
6. ARSENE WENGER (ARSENAL) - A defender
Please Santa. Just give the Gunners what they really, really need. Please.
7. MAURICIO POCHETTINO (TOTTENHAM) - Huge statues of the numbers '2' and '1'
Since 2-1 seems to be the scoreline Spurs love these days.
8. GARRY MONK (SWANSEA) - Boxing gloves
To go with his boxing analogy after Swansea failed to kill off Spurs and succumbed to a (you guessed it) 2-1 defeat.
9. ALAN PARDEW (NEWCASTLE UNITED) - A new owner
The Magpies seem to have recovered well from their disastrous start, but Pardew must be wishing for a better owner than Mike Ashley. Any kind oil barons/despots/arms dealers around?
10. BRENDAN RODGERS (LIVERPOOL) - A sack
No, not THE sack. Just a sack for ol' Brendan to put over his head for their next defeat. Assuming he actually comprehends the notion of being embarrassed.
*Click here for Part 2