Katy Perry doesn't score at Super Bowl halftime show
In the hierarchy of things in life, I'd put music somewhere near the very top and American football somewhere near the bottom.
Music is eternal. Transcendental. Magical.
It's us at our best.
Scratch that. It's better than us.
At the other end of the relevance spectrum, we have American football, which is dudes smashing into one another.
I don't know how there's even remotely a basis of comparison.
I wouldn't bother bringing all this up if it weren't for the ridiculous Super Bowl halftime show.
Every year, some of the world's greatest music stars parade themselves at this insanely overhyped sporting event like a bunch of silly monkeys.
This year, it was Katy Perry.
On Sunday, she burned through hits such as Roar, Dark Horse and Firework with a little help from Lenny Kravitz and Missy Elliott, showing a lot of determination and not much flair.
The sets and costumes were circus-like.
She rode in on a giant, gold tiger. She danced around with guys in shark suits.
During the big finale - Firework, of course - she zoomed around the stadium like a shooting star.
"This is the biggest event of my career," Perry told Billboard magazine in an interview before the show.
"I want the show to be quintessential Katy. It's like the exclamation point on the whole last cycle. This is the cherry on top of everything I've already done."
To me, it's sad that playing in front of a bunch of couch-surfing football fans for 15 minutes is the pinnacle of this talented woman's career.
It's, like, do football players dream of scoring a touchdown at a Katy Perry concert?
Of course they don't, because apparently they have more sense than Perry and all those other pop stars who go gaga at the thought of playing at a football game.
The basic problem is that sports seems to have become the be-all and end-all of American culture, and sports values have bled over into more worthy pursuits.
Perry doesn't think about music like a musician, she thinks about it like a sportswoman. By making it to the Super Bowl, she's "won".
I'll just be over here listening to Bella Novela.
They have 365 Instagram followers.
The cool thing about music, as opposed to sports, is that the losers often have more going for them than the desperate try-hards obsessed with victory.