A kiss for Kiss
Our resident DJ/journo pays homage to the iconic metal band who are celebrating their 40th anniversary
Hey, guys, Kiss are 40 years old.
Okay, let's not party. I'm way too old to party.
Plus, I have to work tomorrow.
The US rockers released their self-titled first album back in 1974 and basically, they've been kicking butt - putting on make-up and stomping around in platform boots - ever since.
Proving they're not going anywhere, Kiss appeared at the recent finale of US reality singing show American Idol, showing America what real idols actually look and sound like.
Backstage, singer-bassist Gene Simmons even took a selfie with fellow performer Demi Lovato in which they had a tongue-off.
Terrifyingly enough, I think Lovato won.
Speaking of being terrified, Kiss scared the willies out of me back when I was in primary school.
I took their image at face value - I thought they were The Devil.
There was this cool girl in my class named Patty Hill, and she wrote the letters K-I-S-S across her knuckles in pen, using that lightning bolt font the band favours.
I was in awe of her, that she had the guts to go there, to flirt with the powerful demonic forces unleashed by songs such as Calling Dr Love and Rock And Roll All Nite.
Of course, I was silly.
I didn't realise that Kiss are actually funny. From their kabuki face paint to their chest-thumping anthems, Kiss are pure camp.
Their stance as mystical, otherworldly sex gods is so over-the-top that it's basically a parody of what then-contemporary bands such as Led Zeppelin were doing.
Thing is, in my book, they're so much cooler than Zeppelin.
Their sense of humour is a virtue.
The one Kiss album I listen to with any regularity is Destroyer because it's a masterpiece.
Let's start with the album cover by fantasy artist Ken Kelly, which shows the boys prancing out of an apocalyptic hellscape.
Such cartoonish self-mythologising has all but vanished from the music scene.
Inside, the music ain't too bad either.
This one album contains two Kiss party-hardy standards - Detroit Rock City and Shout It Out Loud.
It also includes one of the most surprisingly beautiful love songs of the 70s, Beth.
Fleshed out with tunes such as King Of The Night Time World, Flaming Youth and Sweet Pain, Destroyer is nothing less than a paean to the randiness and idiocy of the young.
In celebration of their 40th anniversary, Kiss have just released a new best-of album, aptly titled Kiss 40.
It's available on iTunes and I strongly suggest you check it out.
Rock music, as defined by groups such as Kiss, is all but dead.
If you want a good shot of it, you have no choice but to step into the mists of time, back into the days of yore, when men strode the earth like goofy gods, breathing fire, spitting blood and wagging their tongues.
Man, I really do wanna party now.