School of frock
This is what drought looks like after the past month's red carpet harvest - and it ain't pretty
GIGI HADID (B+)
Guys Choice Awards in Los Angeles
Dress: David Koma
Nothing says "I'm back on the market" like donning a sexy, edgy post-break-up LBD to accept the "Our New Girlfriend" award on Saturday. Hot stuff Hadid is sure showing ex-boyfriend Zayn Malik what he's missing, like those legs for days for starters.
PORTIA DOUBLEDAY (B-)
Television Academy 70th Anniversary celebration in Los Angeles
Dress: Philosophy di Lorenzo Serafini
Kristen Bell and Sarah Paulson have already taken this familiar dress out for a spin, but Doubleday's sexier deep-V version is the clear winner by far.
JENNIFER LOPEZ (C-)
Carnival Del Sol pool party in Las Vegas
Jacket and bikini: Emilio Pucci
Jenny from the block killed it in the style department. Jenny from the pool party? Not so much. That hat is ridiculously oversized and she's coming across thirstier than she's ever been.
SALMA HAYEK (D-)
Premiere of Tale Of Tales in London
Dress and shoes: Gucci
Unless the dressmaker was literally blind, there's no reasonable explanation for adding pearls, Elizabethan ruffles and sequined flames to what already resembles grandma's couch. As if there isn't enough absurdity to go around, Hayek has hooves for feet.
Museum Of Modern Art Party In The Garden in New York City
Jumpsuit: Michael Halpern
What monstrosity is this?! Even more laughable than the Swedish singer's version of a disco clown is the designer's justification of this collection ("You have to make a lot of really ugly s*** to make something beautiful"). Dude, it's still ugly.
WHO WORE IT BETTER?
MARIAH CAREY VS SUZANNE SOMERS
NBCUniversal 2016 Upfront Presentation in New York City, May 16
Television Academy 70th Anniversary celebration in Los Angeles, June 2
This is like choosing between a rock and hard place, as both women take the glitzy striped Balmain minidress to hot mess extremes. Somers is 69 and there should be a law banning senior citizens from wearing animal prints. Carey could've easily pipped her rival had she not paired it with fishnet stockings and stripper heels. In the end, tackiness wins.