The VMAs are l-a-m-e
Our resident Kiss92 DJ/journo believes that the MTV VMAs have forgotten what awesome videos look like
MTV hates videos.
MTV hates music.
MTV hates awards.
I don't know how else to explain the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards.
The only other possible explanation is sheer perversity.
I write about music videos for The New Paper, so obviously it's an art form I adore.
Growing up in the 80s, I was there at the very beginning of the MTV era.
Music videos meant so much to us back then, making us feel like we were somehow part of the glamorous, decadent world inhabited by Duran Duran, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, ZZ Top, Van Halen and Guns N' Roses.
It used to be that you would only ever see these guys in concerts or on magazines, but suddenly there they were, in your living room living out fabulous adventures.
Amorphous rock gods finally took corporeal form.
These days, of course, MTV doesn't give a damn about vids.
While I love what the company has done with shows like Teen Wolf, I'll never forgive it for turning its back on music videos.
In my opinion, they've given up the right to even have a video awards show.
Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball is the video of the year?
Lorde's Royals is the best ROCK video?
Beyonce's Pretty Hurts is the best video with a social message?
Who cares about social messages in music videos, for goodness' sake?
And since when is being too pretty a social issue?
Ed Sheeran won the best male video for Sing, which features a puppet instead of the singer himself.
I'm all for puppets - The Dark Crystal fans unite! - but the song itself just sounds like weak-sauce Justin Timberlake, who is already pretty weak sauce.
CHEERS FOR KATY PERRY
The only win I sort of agree with is Katy Perry's best female video for Dark Horse.
She has a tonne of natural charm and she obviously had a lot of fun playing dress-up in this vid.
She seems to understand that the basic idea behind music videos is to be hot, and then make yourself look god-like with outlandish costumes, exotic sets, perfect lighting and an interesting concept.
She's one of the few pop stars who actually seems to understand the concept of pop stardom.
Anyway, if you want to see my picks for the vids of the year, look to the right of this page.
You probably won't agree with me, in which case you know you have some growing up to do.
Ha ha. JK (but not really).
JJ's must-see MVs
Jason Johnson's choices for what should have won at the VMAs
VIDEO OF THE YEAR
LIES - CHVRCHES
A throwback to 80s-era vids, this rather abstract piece shows a bunch of well-dressed people moping around in glamorous settings while the band's frontwoman Lauren Mayberry sings amidst smoke and lasers, her partners-in-crime standing around looking cool at her side. It's all a bit Blade Runner.
The thing I really appreciate about the video is its sense of dignity and reserve. Unlike what we see in Wrecking Ball, no one licks anything. This is basically what happens when people with taste and intelligence make vids, which is why Chvrches will never win a VMA.
BEST MALE VIDEO
BOUND 2 - KANYE WEST
You have to hand it to Kanye West - the dude is goofy as heck. But goofy in a GOOD way. In a musical landscape cluttered with play-it-safe mediocrity, West always swings for the fences.
This is that ridiculous video that features West riding through the countryside on a motorcycle with Kim Kardashian, and it's both magnificent and corny. The hilarious parody by James Franco and Seth Rogen is also a must see.
BEST VIDEO WITH A SOCIAL MESSAGE
CITY OF ANGELS - THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS
While Beyonce's Pretty Hurts is mawkish, this is just beautiful. Clocking in at over 10 minutes, it features interviews with Hollywood wannabes and used-to-bes. They talk about their broken dreams while Jared Leto and the boys keep the pity party going with their driving rhythm. It's a beautiful hymn to losers of every stripe and I can certainly relate.