Where have all the platinums gone?
Hey, guys. Apparently you don't like music any more.
I know a lot of music stinks these days, but come on!
Not one album released this year has managed to win a Platinum award for sales in excess of one million units.
This is the first Platinum-less year in modern history.
The biggest record of 2014 so far? The Frozen soundtrack, released last year.
It's the only album in 2014 that has crossed the million mark.
The second- and third-biggest sellers this year are Beyonce's self-titled album and Lorde's Pure Heroine, both of which have moved around 750,000 copies since January.
Like the Frozen soundtrack, they also came out last year.
I know that the music industry struggles a lot with piracy, but there comes a point when it has to accept the blame for its pathetic performance.
If albums aren't selling, it might be because no one wants what is on offer.
There is a lot of great music out there, but you have to search hard for it. Mainstream has become a byword for dull.
It wasn't always like this.
Did you know that Michael Jackson's Thriller has sold more than 42 million certified copies? It remains the best-selling album of all time.
Sorry, but I don't hear anything as exciting or lively as Beat It or Billy Jean being made by any pop artist these days.
The interesting thing about Platinum records is that a lot of them are actually super weird and idiosyncratic, unlike 99 per cent of the records being made now.
Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon (1973) has sold nearly 23 million certified copies.
No major record company would touch progressive rock band Pink Floyd with a 10-foot pole these days.
It's simply a fact that adventurous musicians in the 70s and early 80s had more freedom and more support than they do today.
Go to YouTube and watch Led Zeppelin's live performance of In My Time Of Dying from 1975. Can anyone honestly tell me that music this spirited and masterful is being made in 2014?
No they can't, because it isn't.
Or if it is, I certainly can't find it - and believe me, I've tried.
In My Time Of Dying was on the album Physical Graffiti, which sold eight million copies in the US alone.
It wasn't just a Platinum album but a Multi-Platinum album.
No biggie. Zeppelin ended up with 14 of them.
Somehow, it's hard to imagine Magic! equalling such a feat. They should aim for cardboard status at best.