S M Ong: Chocolate Whopper is no April Fool’s joke this time
No one likes to be played for a fool.
Yet, it remains an annual tradition that otherwise veracious people and organisations would lie in the name of April Fool's.
And it is your own fault for being dumb enough to fall victim to a joke.
It is probably the only time of year when victim-blaming is acceptable and practically a sport. It is all fun and games until it happens to you.
You think you are too smart to be fooled? Me too.
Beware the end of March as the first of April is nigh.
So I started questioning everything I read and even reality itself.
A giant ship blocked the Suez Canal, disrupting 12 per cent of world trade?
Yeah, sure. Was the Easter Bunny on board too?
But a giant ship did block the canal for six days and someone should search the decks for a bow-tied hare with a basket of chocolate eggs.
Speaking of sweet treats, when Durex announced three new condom flavours called Mao Shan Wang, Singapore Chendol and Botak Coconut Sherbet, I knew immediately it was a lie.
Come on, it was so obvious. You put a condom on during sex to prevent pregnancy or disease transmission. You do not eat it. Why would it come in different flavours?
I was proven right when Durex confirmed that it was a "prank" on April Fool's Day and said that the three aforementioned flavours were actually the new flavours of Udders ice cream.
I thought that was another joke, but Durex added the hashtag #NotAJoke.
Why would Udders partner with Durex to promote its new flavours?
Now when I think of Udders ice cream, I imagine it tastes like rubber.
I have a question for you - which would you prefer, rubbery ice cream or a chocolate burger?
The rubbery ice cream is hypothetical, but the chocolate burger is not.
At first, I assumed it was another April Fool's joke when last week, Burger King launched its Chocolate Whopper, described as a "beef patty topped with fresh juicy tomatoes and onion, dressed with a layer of rich chocolate sauce swirly richness and cushioned between the King's signature sesame drench buns".
After all, the restaurant chain had teased the Chocolate Whopper exactly three years ago, but that turned out to be a hoax, cheating my feelings.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I must really want the Chocolate Whopper.
So it shook me to learn that like Pizza Hut's alleged-crime-against-nature Bubble Tea Blossom Pizza, the Chocolate Whopper is for real.
It seems the joke this time is that it's not a joke. Well played, Burger King, well played.
Like a diabetic moth to a sugary flame, I was drawn to the brown abomination.
Surprisingly, the Chocolate Whopper is not as disgusting as it may look and sound.
My only complaint is that I could have used more chocolate sauce and less onion. Those two ingredients kind of clashed.
To complete the meal, BK is also offering nuggets with chocolate sauce for dipping plus fries in a chocolate sundae for, ummm... dessert?
All that chocolate. And just in time for Easter too.
Which, by the way, is now officially part of the German language.
Last Thursday, German Ambassador to Singapore Norbert Riedel tweeted: "Shiok, the #Singlish word to express a delightful experience such as eating delicious food, has made it into the Duden, the official dictionary of the German language."
The German embassy even posted a video online showing supposed German individuals saying "shiok" while eating.
So not only has Singlish been recognised by Oxford dictionary, but also... wait a minute.
What was last Thursday's date?
Et tu, Germany?