S M Ong: WhatsApp is too late to slow spread of viral virus misinformation

Dear WhatsApp,

I have stupid friends and relatives.

Actually, my friends aren't really friends, just people I used to go to school with, and whom I barely see over the years. Unfortunately, I am related to my relatives, whom I also barely see over the years.

And this was before social distancing.

You may ask, how do I know they are stupid if I barely see them over the years?

That's a very good question. The answer is you.

It's because of you, WhatsApp, that I am in your chat groups with these friends and relatives, who reveal how stupid they are with the stupid things they share.

And I'm not just talking about IQ-lowering time-wasters like repeated jokes and videos I have avoided on other platforms.

One of my cousins forwarded a message about a doctor who recovered from "Corona illness" by inhaling steam. It even came with a video.

So basically, the treatment for Covid-19 is not so different from how you make char siew pau?

Where's Pofma when you need it?

It was fake news, but no one in the chat group pointed that out. Not even me, because if I corrected fake news, it would be all I was doing.

Your chat groups need more fact-checking than President Donald Trump's press briefings.

Then in another chat group, this one made up of former primary school classmates, a Covidiot forwarded a message that gargling salt water and drinking warm water can prevent Covid-19.

Thankfully, someone else was un-stupid enough to call it fake news, but then another ex-classmate replied: "Fake or not, no harm trying. Quite basic thing to do."

What an un-un-stupid thing to say. I was stunned like vegetable.

The thing is, once upon a time, I had such a huge crush on that last classmate.

During lessons, I would stare longingly at the back of her head from across the classroom. She was so pretty even from behind. I thought she was the smartest girl in class.

Not any more.

I couldn't be more disillusioned if her voice sounds like Doraemon.

I blame you and your stupid chat groups.

Yes, I know last Tuesday, you started limiting the forwarding of viral messages to one chat at a time - to slow the "spread of misinformation". It's like your own little circuit breaker measure.

I'm not sure what good it will do. You've already ruined my childhood.

Now I'm the stupid one for being once infatuated with a person who says gargling salt water to kill the coronavirus is "quite basic thing to do".

I'm so heartbroken that even the sight of a pink moon can't make me feel better.

If only Senior Minister of State in the Ministry of Health and Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources Amy Khor can make me an omelette. I'll have it to go. I don't want to be fined $300.

Despite everything, I'm still reluctant to leave your stupid chat groups because they're the only way I stay in touch with my friends and relatives since, you know, I barely see them.

Well, at least you're not Zoom.

No stranger on WhatsApp has asked me to show my breasts, yet.

I did all those push-ups in self-isolation for nothing.