When food fights get too cheesy to swallow
From Chizza to Llaollao, SM Ong looks back on his relationship with food this year
We need to talk.
Looking back at 2017 and all we've been through together, I think now is a good time to re-examine our relationship.
We can't go on like this.
It's not me. It's yogurt.
Frozen yogurt, to be exact.
To be more exact, it's Llaollao frozen yogurt.
Is it leaving or staying?
I already said my goodbyes when it was announced that all the Llaollao outlets in Singapore were closing down just as I was getting used to pronouncing Llaollao as "Yaoyao".
You know, because, apparently, it's Spanish.
Then last Tuesday, Llaollao Singapore announced on Facebook: "The company with which we have been developing our brand in Singapore has unilaterally decided to close all the establishments in the country and reopen them under the Yolé Frozen Yogurt brand...
"We would like to emphasise that we have absolutely nothing to do with Yolé Frozen Yogurt."
Llaollao Singapore added: "We will be back with new stores soon, much sooner than you can expect."
What's with this yoyoing between Llaollao and Yolé?
Quit playing games with my heart.
Of course, Llaollao wasn't the only one that cheated my feelings this year.
It's not yogurt. It's tea.
Bubble milk tea, to be exact.
To be more exact, it's Gong Cha, which was replaced by Li Ho in May and then returned to Singapore last month.
Remember the long queues for the Li Ho cheese tea when Li Ho first opened?
Who knew Singaporeans are such cheeseheads?
So much so that McDonald's had to respond to complaints last week that its Cheese Loaded Fries were more like Cheese Lite Fries.
The fast food chain said on Facebook: "We know that sweet dreams are made of cheese (and sour cream) and it's nacho fault. We've relooked our processes to ensure that we load up the right amount of sauces so you won't get cheesed-off."
It was gouda McDonald's to address the negative cheddar about its Cheese Loaded Fries, but ricotta done it without the cheesy cheese puns.
This wasn't even the first time McDonald's cheated my feelings this year.
In July, the company launched the nasi lemak burger to celebrate National Day, only to have the burger sold out weeks before National Day - then brought it back weeks after National Day.
So even though it was for National Day, you couldn't actually get the nasi lemak burger on National Day.
That was just brie-liant.
Of course, McDonald's wasn't the only burger restaurant that cheated my feelings this year.
In June, Burger King introduced the Hainanese chicken burger, which made me ashamed to be Hainanese.
Then in October, it unleashed the Stacker, a burger where you can have as many layers of meat and cheese as you want.
But as I discovered, the tallest Stacker that the restaurant would pre-stack for you had only five layers.
If you wanted more, you were provided with the additional meat and cheese separately, and you had to build the more-than-five-layer Stacker yourself.
Hey, Burger King, I just want a burger. Not play Jenga.
Not to be left out, KFC also broke a few hearts with the Chizza, which got me really excited early this year.
It was like a Hawaiian personal pizza but with a fried chicken as the crust.
If you think pineapple on pizza is a crime against nature, then the Chizza could be a capital offence.
In other chicken-related news this year, Ikea stopped selling its fried chicken wings in May because "our chicken wings have not been meeting our customers' satisfaction recently".
But like the nasi lemak burger and Gong Cha, the wings were back soon after.
I like you, food, but I just can't take much more of this emotional ping-ponging.
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in with Burger King's Long Cheesemas Burger.
Because of you, I've grown so much feta this year.
I guess no one wants to be provolone.
So it's adiós - until the next meal.