Movie Review: The Vatican Tapes (NC16)
On Judgment Day, director Mark Neveldine will surely be made to answer for the mess that is The Vatican Tapes.
Blonde, beautiful Angela (Olivia Taylor Dudley) has a mysterious car accident and becomes possessed.
Soon, not-so-angelic Angela sees evil visions, almost kills a baby and causes people to commit gruesome suicide.
In the words of Alicia Keys, this girl is on fire. Hellfire, that is.
Her boyfriend (John Patrick Amedori) and dad (Dougray Scott) are understandably concerned, so a good old-fashioned exorcism is organised.
But surprise, surprise - the Antichrist shows up to the party.
The Vatican Tapes relies on the usual Catholic horror imagery: stigmata, pentagrams and ravens as messengers of doom.
But even if you can look past the horror flick's hopelessly flawed theology, its characters have no emotional weight, and the constant suspense is more tiring than thrilling.
We sentence it to the lake of fiery doom.