Sting, where is thy sting?
Sting has just released his first single from his new album. Does it in fact rock?
So Sting has a new song called I Can't Stop Thinking About You.
It's the first single from the 64-year-old English singer's upcoming album 57th & 9th, which drops on Nov 11.
Unlike most of the stuff he's written over the past 30 years, it actually has a pulse, like his old rock songs with The Police.
Of course, it's not nearly as good.
I Can't Stop Thinking About You sounds like The Police if you stripped away everything that made The Police exciting and interesting.
Guitarist Andy Summers' shimmering, otherworldly guitar riffs have been tossed aside in favour of generic strumming.
Drummer Stewart Copeland's thunderous yet dexterous reggae-influenced rhythms have been replaced by a conventional 4/4 beat.
The lyrics are lacking in the sense of darkness, decadence and danger that made hits such as Roxanne, Don't Stand So Close To Me and King Of Pain so juicy.
As for the bassline, where is the bassline?
Sting is my favourite bassist in the world, and yet here the sexy, tiger-like growl and bounce of his early bass work sounds sadly tame.
Having said that, I can't hate on the tune too much, because at least it's not jazz.
One of the greatest betrayals in rock history occurred when Sting abandoned rock for jazz.
Over the course of five years, from 1978 to 1983, The Police created five superlative rock albums - Outlandos d'Amour, Reggatta de Blanc, Zenyatta Mondatta, Ghost In The Machine and Synchronicity - each of which I'd personally consider a classic.
In 1985, he abandoned The Police, tossing aside his legacy to release his second-rate pseudo-jazz solo album, The Dream Of The Blue Turtles.
Sting gave up being one of the world's most thrilling and innovative rock stars to become one of the world's lamest and most ineffectual jazz musicians.
It was honestly one of the saddest moments of my life.
Here's the thing: When people say rock 'n' roll is the devil's music, they're right.
It's the sound of lust and violence.
We human beings, and particularly younger human beings, need to hear that sound so that we know that we're not alone in a void.
Happy music can make us feel good for a fleeting moment, but it never connects the way more subterranean sounds do.
So Sting got rich and life got good and he decided to peddle pabulum.
Hooray for him.
It's just a shame for those of us he left behind.