Children don't always say 'I'm not okay': Experts point to social factors, screen time in kids' emotional struggles

Schools often take a reactive rather than preventive approach to address mental health issues in children, said one expert.

For 17-year-old Alex Tan (not his real name), memories of primary school are tinged with painful feelings of inferiority. He often felt isolated from his peers, which led to emotional struggles in his childhood.

Speaking to The New Paper, Alex recalled being "looked down upon" for having untidy handwriting.

"The teacher at the time said that it was horrible, basically implying that I'm someone who is lazy and slow," he said, recounting that he felt humiliated by teachers and classmates who implied his academic ability was below average.

"It really destroyed my self-confidence as a person," he said.

Emotional struggles common among children

Frederick Lim, a 42-year-old tuition teacher with a background in counselling, noted that families are now busier than before, leading to children feeling isolated and lonely.

"The tricky thing is, it's often quiet. Children don't always say 'I'm stressed' or 'I'm not okay.' Instead, you see them withdraw, get cranky, or struggle to focus," he added.

Sometimes, it leads children to conclude that there is no more hope.

On July 29, 2024, an 11-year-old boy took his own life shortly after the school day ended, during which he had been questioned about taking a classmate's belongings.

It was one of 314 suicide deaths in 2024, when suicide remained the leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 29 for the sixth consecutive year, The Straits Times reported.

Tinkle Friend, a helpline for primary school children provided by the Singapore Children's Society, told TNP that it has served an average of 5,000 chats and calls annually for the past five years, a 28 per cent increase from the previous five years.

These calls often involve issues such as bullying, mental health struggles, and suicide risks, among other peer, school or family-related concerns.

MOE takes a 'holistic approach' to mental health in schools

In response to TNP's queries, a Ministry of Education (MOE) spokesperson said that schools train teachers and counsellors to help students recognise and manage their emotional, social and behavioural issues.

"Schools also have a system of peer support, where students are equipped to look out for one another's well-being (while) teachers are trained to understand and recognise signs of distress and symptoms related to common mental health issues. Schools also have dedicated time in every school term for teachers to check in with their students," said the spokesperson.

Students showing "persistent signs of distress" are also referred to the Response, Early Intervention and Assessment in Community Mental Health (REACH) teams to receive early intervention and support.

Societal factors that lead to emotional struggles

Lee Jungup of the National University of Singapore (NUS), who specialises in social work, said that children today face higher "meritocratic pressure" and "heavier digital exposure".

In addition, limited family time and a weak sense of school belonging can make children more vulnerable to emotional distress. When families spend less time together, it reduces emotional connection and disrupts routines - weakening an important buffer against such struggles, she said.

Mr Lim noted that children today are "constantly plugged in", facing pressure to compare themselves with others online and rarely getting time to pause and reflect.

Coupled with an achievement-driven culture and busier family schedules, he said, children have fewer chances for real connection - leaving them always connected but "actually quite isolated and lonely".

Senior social worker and therapeutic play practitioner Angeline Cheng, who works at REACH Community Services, agreed that increased screentime and an overemphasis on academic achievements may lead to more serious mental health concerns.

She also highlighted the child's internal coping capacity as an important factor in dealing with emotional stress. "It is important to not put blame solely on external events, but to consider the impact of the social factors on the development of children's coping capacities and external resources they can turn to," said Ms Cheng.

Non-verbal signs of emotional distress

Chow Yen-Lu, founder of the Over the Rainbow Academy, an organisation promoting mental wellness, said that children may not have the vocabulary to express their distress.

"When words fail them, their bodies and behaviours start to show it," he said.

Some may withdraw from friends or activities they once enjoyed, while others act out in anger or frustration. Changes in sleep, appetite, or school performance can also signal that a child is facing emotional challenges.

Prof Lee of NUS agreed, noting that children often express distress through non-verbal cues, such as frequent stomachaches or headaches, tearfulness, or quietly withdrawing, which adults may sometimes mistake for shyness.

"Many young people report experiencing emotional abuse or neglect, yet adults may not take these concerns seriously," she said, pointing out that parents may dismiss certain behaviours as a normal part of developmental or transitional life stages.

Greater training, lighter workload needed for teachers

Many of these signs of distress often go unnoticed, and Mr Lim noted that teachers' packed schedules leave less time to address students' emotional needs.

"Not all teachers get proper training on how to spot mental health issues early or how to support students who are struggling. If we could lighten teachers' workload a bit, they'd have more space to help students build mental strength."

According to the Teaching and Learning International Survey (Talis) released on Oct 7, teachers in Singapore work 47.3 hours a week, higher than the OECD average of 41. Their responsibilities include teaching, preparing lessons, administrative work, and communicating with parents.

Mr Chow agreed that teacher training and support remain insufficient, adding that schools often take a reactive rather than preventive approach to mental health issues.

"Teachers are the first line of defence, but many say they lack the training and confidence to identify or respond to emotional distress in their students. Mental health training is minimal or inconsistent, leaving educators feeling unprepared to handle sensitive situations in the classroom," he said.

Mr Lim added: "Teaching today involves a lot of emotional work. It can feel like walking a tightrope. And there's a real risk of burnout when teachers keep giving emotionally without taking care of themselves."

The stigma around mental health adds to the problem. "Parents may feel left out or unsure how to support their child, while school staff may lack training in handling sensitive family conversations," said Mr Chow.

Supportive family systems help

While more can be done to support children with emotional struggles, not all is lost.

Alex Tan told TNP that a supportive family system helped him get through his most difficult years.

"Some coping strategies that I adapted was to speak to any trusted adults who are close to me," he said, noting that journalling and opening up to others were useful coping mechanisms.

"I also had supportive teachers back in school, who were there to help me when I faced challenges."

Helplines

Mental well-being

  • National helpline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)
  • Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)
  • Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
  • Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
  • Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1
  • Women's Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
  • The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)
  • Tinkle Friend (for primary school-age children): 1800-2744-788

Counselling

  • Touchline (Counselling): 1800-377-2252
  • Touch Care Line (for caregivers): 6804-6555
  • Counselling and Care Centre: 6536-6366
  • We Care Community Services: 3165-8017
  • Shan You Counselling Centre: 6741-9293
  • Clarity Singapore: 6757-7990

Online resources

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