COMMENT: 'You BTO already?' Practicality is what makes the romance work

It is only in Singapore that a term like BTO can become a verb.

"You BTO already?" is now a mark of a life milestone, almost like a soft engagement.

I joined the club recently, applying for a Build-To-Order (BTO) flat with my partner of six years even before he has put a ring on it.

We are now partaking in the joys of crunching numbers, projecting CPF contributions, and weighing options between flats of various sizes in Bukit Merah or Kallang.

But here's the thing: BTO isn't practicality masquerading as love. It is romance - in a very adult, rational, Singaporean way.

Practical, but oddly comforting

It goes without saying that BTO flats are the most affordable housing option in Singapore. Unless you already have substantial means, forget the resale flats that could cost you an arm, a leg, and maybe even a kidney.

BTOs come with substantial government subsidies and grants, from the Enhanced CPF Housing Grants to HDB loans covering up to 75 per cent of the flat's price.

These savings - tens of thousands of dollars - can be redirected to other major expenses, like your wedding or furnishing your dream home.

$600,000 or so is a lot for a relatively small flat. But my partner and I breathed a little easier when we saw resale flats in the same areas going for over a million dollars. Suddenly, our BTO didn't feel as daunting.

Another major plus for me is early planning. Yes, I admit it - I'm a planner.

Applying for a flat early lets couples map out life goals and essentially rehearse adulthood together. For me, house planning has become a form of long-term motivation - not just to work harder financially, but also to nurture my relationship.

I remember the thrill of applying for a BTO, the disbelief at receiving a good queue number, the surreal feeling of choosing our unit, and of course, the many appointments with financial advisors.

Since then, we've been dreaming about our future home - from its aesthetics and room layouts, to furniture choices and even the type of light switches we want.

It is practical, certainly. But it is also oddly comforting how it has brought us closer together.

We now have a mountain of debt looming over our shoulders - but my partner agrees that it's a reminder that we are in this for the long run.

The years we've shared were just the beginning. Now, we get to imagine the life waiting for us - all that's left is the wait.

'Where's the romance?'

Some people scoff at the idea of locking themselves in with such a big asset like a flat - and I'll confess, I used to be one of them.

Barely two to three years into our relationship, we were already bombarded with questions like: "Wah, both of you so serious already, why haven't BTO yet?"

The truth is that we were barely adults. We had no real financial stability, and the thought of committing to a flat felt absurd. Why should we even be thinking about BTO? And what if we were to break up?

"Where's the romance?" some might ask - and it's a fair point. Nothing sounds less romantic than choosing your non-existent home on a spreadsheet.

There is no whimsical Sunday afternoon of house-hunting, no fairytale moment of falling in love with the perfect place. Instead, what you get is the very unsexy pressure of syncing your relationship to a rigid, government-issued timeline.

The whole BTO journey can often feel like a business transaction. We essentially signed ourselves up for a decades-long mortgage at a time when we had barely started working full-time, still figuring out how to manage our own expenses.

It's hardly the stuff of fairytales.

Messy and inconvenient, but very real

But the romance lies in the late-night debates over what counts as a prime location, big and small compromises, and the shared excitement of making your very first big purchase together.

It's slow, and sometimes messy and inconvenient, but very real. And it's exactly those moments that help a relationship grow stronger.

So a BTO may not seem very romantic on paper, but it represents far more than romance.

To me, I think there's something profoundly thrilling about claiming a home together - before marriage, before kids, and before life gets way too complicated and chaotic.

There's just one small matter to take care of: the proposal. I expect it to be even more romantic.