Repeat offender's biggest regret: His children witnessing his arrest

For Amir (not his real name), a man who has been in and out of prison multiple times due to drug abuse, his recent arrest was not his worst nightmare.

It was having his children witness the process, watching him pinned to the floor and handcuffed, the image imprinted on their young minds.

In January 2025, Amir had just finished his night shift as an ambulance paramedic. He returned home before dawn, still under the influence of methamphetamine, which he had taken with his wife.

As he parked his car near his block, he sensed that something was wrong.

"I saw a lot of people under the block. I told my wife, 'There are CNB (Central Narcotics Bureau) officers there,'" he recalled.

A few minutes later, more than 20 CNB officers raided the couple's home.

Inside, Amir's third and youngest children, aged 11 and 7, were getting ready for school. His two older children were staying with Amir's parents.

"The kids were waiting for me to get home. The plan was to take them to breakfast before school," Amir told Berita Harian.

Instead, their plans were upturned when the children witnessed their father being handcuffed and held to the floor.

"They were crying. They were shocked," Amir recounted softly.

"I still remember clearly, after everything calmed down, my youngest child asked the CNB officers, 'Can I hug Daddy for the last time?'"

Amir remembers his actions with a deep sense of regret, acknowledging the emotional impact it had on his children.

"I regret it so much. This time, it really made me see things differently because I was arrested in front of my children, especially my youngest, who is very attached to me," he said.

"If I could turn back time, I wouldn't want any of this to happen."

Despite the traumatic experience, Amir's children did not resent him, and instead looked forward to their father's return.

As they exchanged letters on Father's Day, Amir's youngest child said: "I still remember Daddy taking us to the Sea Aquarium, and I miss Daddy."

A letter written by his third child described his daily routine and his latest life updates, coping with the absence of a father who was once his confidant.

Now serving an 18-month prison sentence, Amir is no stranger to rehabilitation programmes.

He has been placed in the Drug Rehabilitation Centre, as his worsening addiction also affected his wife, who is now serving a sentence of her own.

Their four children now live with Amir's parents and younger brother.

Since his arrest, Amir has yet to meet his children.

His second child wrote him a short letter during Ramadan. Although brief, her letter was deeply touching, and moved her father to turn his life around.

"She wrote, 'Don't worry about the younger ones. I'll take care of them. But Daddy left us again.'" In a few simple words, his daughter expressed her effort to keep it together, while grappling with the absence of her father.

"I believe the influence of friends plays a big role. If I cut ties, there's no way I can get drugs," he explained.

"This time, I want to be free with the help of a rehabilitation plan. I also want to spend time with my children. Take them out. I want to stop yelling at them as much. I want to rebuild our relationship and their trust in me."

When asked what he missed most about his children, Amir knew the answer immediately - the lively atmosphere at home.

"Before, when they were noisy, I didn't like it. I would scold them," he said. "Sometimes, I could hear them yelling from the stairs. But now, being in prison, it's so quiet... I really miss that noise."

Amir hopes to take his children to Oceanarium because their family trip there in 2024 was cut short.

"Halfway through, a friend called me to meet up. Without hesitation, I told the kids to pack up and we went home. They cried," Amir recalled regretfully.

"So now, I want to take them there again and finish the trip we started."