'She had 3 abortions': S'pore social worker opens up about helping pregnant teens

She was just 13 when social worker Siti Fatimah Abdul Karim met her.

The teen tried to keep family sessions light-hearted, but it wasn't just resilience in the face of adversity. According to Ms Siti, it was something else entirely: a learned invisibility, an instinct for survival shaped by years of neglect.

The girl was pregnant - and it would turn out to be the first of three abortions.

Ms Siti first shared the case in a LinkedIn post, highlighting how the girl's situation was shaped not just by her choices, but by deeper cracks in her life, such as neglect, trauma, and a lack of safe adult guidance. Her mother was just 27 at the time.

"She was surprisingly calm," recalled Ms Siti. "I don't think she fully understood the gravity of the situation. To her, it felt normal. But it wasn't."

Still, the girl's loneliness could perhaps be seen in the way she had asked to hold Ms Siti's hand in the ward, before the termination procedure.

The girl had grown up in a cramped studio flat, with little privacy, no guidance on boundaries or consent - and no one noticing (or intervening) as she slipped into sexual relationships at a young age.

She was eventually removed from her mother's custody and placed in residential care. It was there, away from the instability of home, that she began to dream of another life.

"She told me she wanted to retake her PSLE and one day open a bakery," said Ms Siti. "That hit me. With proper support and guidance, she could really go far."

The girl's story is just one of many that Ms Siti has encountered during her 12 years at Babes Pregnancy Crisis Support, a non-profit organisation that works with pregnant teenagers.

She estimates she handles between 15 and 20 such cases each year.

According to a Straits Times article, while teen pregnancy rates have dropped, from 487 babies born to teens aged 19 and younger in 2013 to 218 in 2022, the cases she sees today are more complicated.

Cases involving girls from dysfunctional families are common, said Ms Siti. "But today, we're working with a very different group of youths, shaped by new and emerging risks.

One growing concern? Online grooming. With social media and smartphones, even teens from stable homes can be pulled into risky situations or exposed to harmful sexual content.

"Many young people today turn to the internet for information about relationships, sex and self-worth, but not all of that information is accurate or safe," she said.

"Without a trusted adult to talk to, they're left to figure things out on their own."

Mental health struggles and emotional isolation are also on the rise. Some girls, Ms Siti said, are already dealing with anxiety, self-harm or low self-esteem before pregnancy enters the picture.

At the same time, modern relationship norms are more fluid and becoming harder to define for teens - with "situationships" and "doing it for the plot" becoming common lingo.

In such a landscape, guidance from adults becomes even more critical, but it is often lacking at home.

"Even in stable homes, parents can react (to underage pregnancy) with shame, fear or grief," she said. "They're mourning the future they imagined for their daughter. That's why open, honest conversations about relationships and boundaries should start at home and not just in school."

She believes parents need to be more proactive in spotting teachable moments, whether during a scene in a movie or a comment from a child about something they saw online.

"Those are opportunities to open the door. But a lot of Asian parents still find it awkward to even begin."

Ms Siti emphasises that most girls she works with do not want to be written off.

"Beyond the label of 'pregnant teen', these girls have dreams and potential. What they need is someone who believes in them, sets boundaries, and shows them they're capable of more."

One of the teens Ms Siti has worked with is now studying for a degree in social work, the same field she is in.

"Her child is seven now and she's completing her degree. When I look at them, I am reminded of why we do what we do. Even one story like that can keep you going."

Asked what she hoped the public would understand, Ms Siti said: "They're not a lost cause. They're not a mistake. They're just girls who needed someone to be there a little earlier."