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She thought she was all alone when she became pregnant

This article is more than 12 months old
She thought she was all alone when she became pregnant
TNP PHOTO: DALENE LOW

Rejected by boyfriend and family after she gets pregnant, woman, 27, finds help for unborn child

Foo Jie Ying
Reporter
Nov 09, 2015 06:00 am
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It was an unsupported pregnancy with many moments of despair and uncertainty.

Both the father of the baby, as well as her mother wanted her, to abort her baby.

Said Amelia (not her real name), 27: "When you are not in a marriage and you're having an unsupported pregnancy... it's a bad place.

"I would think about why I was going through this, if it was because of how my parents were never there for me..." she said, her voice trailing off.

Today, Amelia has a three-month-old daughter. She works in the education industry and is back at work.

She said that it was her faith, and the support she received during her stay at the DaySpring New Life Centre (NLC), which helped her, she said.

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The self-funded centre is holding a fund-raising campaign that will help other women like Amelia. 

Amelia told The New Paper that she grew up in a family filled with physical and verbal abuse.

By 17, she was already living away from her family and working to support herself.

She said that it was perhaps this lack of family love that led her to seek affection from other places, including her then-boyfriend of six years.

The couple had sex and, two months later, Amelia learnt that she was pregnant.

That was at the start of the year.

"My (then) boyfriend was the first person I told. He simply told me to abort the baby at that point, which is when I knew I couldn't discuss it further with him," she said.

Her mother said the same thing when Amelia broke the news to her four months into her pregnancy.

"I thought the least I could have was that my mum would at least say 'Let me help you'. But she didn't. I remember crying for one hour non-stop.

"After that, there were (a) series of messages she sent saying 'Why did you do this?' and 'Who's the dad?'. I decided not to speak to her for a little while so I could settle myself," she said.

Amelia said that her mother's reaction stemmed from pride and the fear of tongues wagging that came with a well-to-do family.

The first two trimesters were fraught with anxiety.

She knew her close-knit church-going family were quietly encouraging and she prayed a lot.

In June, Amelia's pastors recommended DaySpring to her. There, she went through sessions that prepared her for going into labour and how to be a mother.

The centre's residential supervisor, Ms Joyce Chng, saw how Amelia blossomed from a fledgling in motherhood to one who is now confident enough to help others.

She said: "(Once), another resident had just delivered a baby and was rather inexperienced with handling the baby.

"The baby was crying non-stop, the mother was becoming a little stressed out, frustrated and tired.

"Amelia jumped in, told the resident that she would take care of the baby for her and asked the resident to take a shower and rest.

"It is really moving to see her readiness to help those around her and being so sensitive to those who need help."

She also saw how Amelia became better at time management, getting herself and her baby ready on time instead of having to scramble through things.

Amelia, who has stayed at DaySpring for five months, will leave at the end of the month to stand on her own two feet again.

"I'm a little afraid. But I know I can't stay here forever.

"I am determined to stay strong for my daughter," she said, smiling at her baby.


Number of abortions

2014: 8,515

2013: 9,282

2012: 10,624

Source: Ministry of Health

What is 'catch the wave'?

Catch the Wave is a fund-raising initiative by DaySpring for the two centres it operates: the Residential Treatment Centre (RTC) for abused girls aged between 12 and 16, and the New Life Centre (NLC) for unsupported pregnant women and their babies.

The RTC can house up to 16 girls while the NLC can take up to eight women and four babies.

From Nov 12 to 21, surf artist Hilton Alves, with the help of 50 children, will be painting a series of giant murals of marine animals at Sentosa Beach.

Every $50 will put an animal on the wall and the goal is to have 1,000 of them.

Get The New Paper on your phone with the free TNP app. Download from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store now

pregnancyUncategorisedSingaporeDaySpring New Life Centre

Foo Jie Ying

Reporter
fjieying@sph.com.sg
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