When unrequited love takes a deadly turn
In extreme cases, those faced with rejection can turn to violence and aggression to deal with the grief, say experts
It is never love that leads to physical assault in relationships but jealousy and the need to exert control to possess the love object, said Dr Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist in private practice.
And unrequited love can often lead to grief reactions and may trigger anxiety or depressive episodes, said Dr Lim.
In extreme cases, heartbreak impedes the ability to reason logically, said clinical psychologist Mr Muhammad Haikal, who specialises in depression, anxiety and couples therapy.
Three recently reported cases saw men turning to crime after being rejected by the object of their affections.
On Sept 3, a national serviceman pleaded guilty to two counts of rape and one count of affray.
The youth, 17 at the time, raped his ex-girlfriend at his flat, telling her he wanted her to have his baby.
On Sept 19, Allen Vincent Hui Kim Seng, 47, a risk management executive, was jailed for five years for trying to hire a hit man from the Dark Web.
He had wanted to kill his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend and would wait hours outside her flat to stalk him.
JEALOUS RAGE
On Sept 19, Boh Soon Ho, 51, a Malaysian cafeteria worker, allegedly strangled Chinese national Zhang Huaxiang, 28, to death in a jealous rage.
Boh then tried to have sex with the corpse as he felt that she could no longer resist his advances.
Mr Haikal told The New Paper: "Love is a very complicated emotion and the idea of romance can be very powerful and pulling.
"When a relationship does not work out, the mixture of emotions like anger, disappointment and betrayal can lead to impulsive behaviour."
Dr Lim told TNP that humans are violent creatures to begin with, but through cultural norms, we have learnt to suppress such thoughts.
He said: "Individuals with sociopathic personality traits are more likely to be violent and to commit such acts as they have little empathy towards the victims.
"When (such a man is) put under tremendous stress and perceives his 'self' to be threatened, he may go into a rage and allow the primal violent nature to surface."
Mr Eugene Chong, a director and principal counselling psychologist at Seeding Minds, agreed.
He said: "In many criminal acts, there is often a precursor for such extreme behaviours and intent. Often, it involves the strain from the loss of a romantic relationship. It makes people feel bad and they may cope through crime."
This includes seeking revenge by physically harming those who have hurt them, said Mr Chong.
However, violence is never the answer to a fulfilling relationship, said Mr Haikal.
"The use of violence creates a huge power imbalance, depriving the partner of basic emotional needs."
When heartbroken, cultural norms have stereotyped men to express anger and women to express sadness, added Mr Haikal. But regardless of gender, rejection still hurts.
He said: "Recognise both the strengths and weaknesses of someone instead of taking on a romanticised view of them. This is a holistic way that eases the grief process."
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