Neil Humphreys: Red Devils still not United
Grumpy Mourinho needs more signings to compete for English Premier League title
The pre-season schedule is barely a week old and Jose Mourinho already has the air of a one-armed juggler.
Something seems to be missing from his life. He's miserable already.
Currently on tour in the United States, his grumpy routine is making its way from one town to another, and with good reason.
When he took over at United, he asked to be judged after three seasons. Well, this is the third season. Judgment beckons.
He knows there are line-up problems still in search of solutions before the transfer window closes. Mourinho has signed 11 players in 26 months, but needs more.
He has publicly criticised the purchases of his predecessors, but started the FA Cup final with a back five signed entirely by Sir Alex Ferguson.
In January, Alexis Sanchez was added to offer muscular experience on United's left side, but Mourinho now wants Ivan Perisic, who plays in the same position.
Across the pitch and inside the dressing room, United's inconsistencies remain, thanks in large part to their inability to establish a clear identity and purpose.
Paul Pogba is the obvious case in point. The effervescent Frenchman essentially had his midfield built around him at the World Cup. He earned a winners' medal for his efforts.
Mourinho called on his midfielder to reproduce those Les Bleus performances at Old Trafford, which is rather like asking Usain Bolt to replicate his speed in a sack race.
There are handicapping obstacles involved.
In the FA Cup final, Pogba was largely isolated on the left side of United's cautious midfield diamond. In the World Cup final, he was at the fulcrum of a central trio that included N'Golo Kante and false left winger Blaise Matuidi.
France liberated him. United restricted him.
Mourinho should be able to address that tactical dilemma. He already has a Kante, of sorts, in Nemanja Matic and may expect new signing Fred to do a Matuidi and allow Pogba the chance to wreak havoc elsewhere.
But Fred's £52-million (S$93 million) fee offered further evidence of a frustrated coach still trying to make sense of a midfield that changed complexion more times than a circus clown last season.
INJURED
At 19, Diogo Dalot might solve a long-term problem at full-back. But the former Porto defender is already out for two months with a knee injury and United's defensive woes are more pressing.
Mourinho's reliance on Ashley Young, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling and Antonio Valencia was both a blessing and a curse. With David de Gea, the quintet were an obdurate bunch, the last men standing from those halcyon days under Fergie.
Or, to put it another way, three managers have failed to find an upgrade. Victor Lindelof was a magnificent Swede at the World Cup, but a bit of a cabbage at Old Trafford.
Surely, the Red Devils won't attempt to chase Manchester City with only Smalling and Jones, who's always one mistimed tackle away from being another gurning meme.
Luke Shaw's pace and persistence are currently entertaining fans in North America, and his refusal to succumb to Mourinho's critical pot-shots shows a certain kind of tenacity, if nothing else. But his manager still isn't convinced.
Speed has long been a precious commodity at United, partly because Mourinho often conflates blurred legs with a blurry brain. He doesn't entirely trust speedsters to make the right decisions in key moments.
Shaw, Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford are among the fastest footballers in a side with an insufferably slow playing pattern. But there's every chance that Rashford could be the only one left at the end of the season.
WIDE MEN
Mourinho isn't sure of his wide men either. Martial, Rashford, Sanchez, Ander Herrera and Juan Mata have all hugged the touchline at some point without necessarily earning a warm embrace from their manager.
In his third year, Mourinho's United are still a slightly confusing work in progress. He may say otherwise, but a centre-back and a left-sided attacker are key requirements. Extra support for Valencia and Mata on the right side wouldn't hurt either.
Even then, the Red Devils need their straitjackets loosened. Should Mourinho bolster his defence and midfield, he can perhaps relent in attack.
He'll still be grumpy in press conferences, of course, but at least United fans will have something to smile about.
● Catch Neil Humphreys as he gives his satirical take on life and football every Saturday, from 10am to 12 noon, on Money FM 89.3.
Get The New Paper on your phone with the free TNP app. Download from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store now