Neil Humphreys: Start dreaming, England
Southgate's men can begin to believe after surreal win
It's coming home. It's coming. Farcical football is coming home. The Three Lions always put on a circus, but nothing as hypnotically bonkers as this.
England's tournaments always make less sense than a Mad Hatter's tea party, but they are usually dispiriting and downright nonsensical.
| ENGLAND | PANAMA |
| 6 | 1 |
| (John Stones 8, 40, Harry Kane 22-pen, 45+1-pen, 62, Jesse Lingard 36) | (Felipe Baloy 78) |
Four years ago, the circus rolled into different Brazilian towns and ended with the tears of their clowns.
It's been that way for so long that no one dared to think differently, let alone dream of something bigger, better.
Last night, England's surreal circus returned once more. Only this time, it was vibrant, uplifting and euphoric. The Three Lions are into the knockout stages after breaking more strange, unexpected records than a gothic rock DJ.
They scored a record six goals against Panama, winning 6-1, without playing particularly well. Harry Kane became the first Englishman to score a World Cup hat-trick since Gary Lineker without playing particularly well.
In fact, Kane's third goal summed up the farcical proceedings. Ruben Loftus-Cheek hit a speculative shot that Kane didn't even see until the ball clipped the back of his heel and looped over the keeper.
He was substituted seconds later, still trying to work out what had just happened. The rest of the world pretty much felt the same for 90 minutes.
The game was often weird and occasionally wonderful, but also sloppy, inconsistent and slightly inconclusive about England's trophy prospects.
To temper the inevitable hyperbole that will now surround the Three Lions, Panama were incontestably awful. Their only approach to handling England was to manhandle England, usually relying on blunt force.
They pulled, squeezed, pushed and kicked just about every body part that belonged to an Englishman. Panama are known as Los Canaleros, or the Red Wave, but they treated the Group G encounter like The Red Wedding in Game of Thrones.
In Concacaf, the gamesmanship and occasional acts of violence are commonplace. At the World Cup, the needless aggression was a bit of a stain. Panama will not be missed. Underdogs are welcome. Brutish cynicism isn't.
So it's important not to get too carried away with England's rugby score. If anything, their first-half showing against Tunisia was more impressive.
But their precision at set-pieces killed off the contest.
Indeed, England's opening goal encapsulated such a bizarre game. Defenders spent so much time wrestling with Kane and Harry Maguire at a corner, that they failed to track John Stones' run. Unmarked, the centre-back thumped in a fine header.
FOOTBALL POET
The goal was Stones' first for his country, but the third in a row from an England corner. Gareth Southgate has changed the playing style, but there are still echoes of Sam Allardyce at set-pieces.
Nevertheless, the contest was over in the 22nd minute. Centre-back Fidel Escobar knocked over Jesse Lingard and Kane knocked in the penalty.
Lingard soon got the goal his imperious performance deserved. He collected a return pass from Raheem Sterling and, on the run, curled a delightful shot into the top corner.
Always on the move, Lingard is lovely to watch in full flight, a football poet in perpetual motion. Better teams than Panama should fear the nifty dynamo.
Another set-piece header from Stones and another Kane penalty rounded out the first-half scoring. England had never scored five in a World Cup match before. They hadn't even scored four since the victorious 1966 World Cup final, which went into extra time.
They had achieved both feats in 45 minutes, that's an indication of just how incompetent and spiteful the Panamanians were.
Playing in 30 deg C heat, England's intensity predictably dipped in the second half.
Still, the weirdness wasn't quite done, with Panana scoring their first World Cup goal, thanks to 37-year-old substitute Felipe Baloy.
From England's dreadful defending to a football pensioner making history, everything about the goal was daft, but entirely in keeping with the madness. In the stands, the fans partied together. England were off to the knockout stages and Panama were off home with their first World Cup goal.
There's still a long way to go and England's defence requires further tinkering. But for the first time in a decade, the dream is on.
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Southgate finds weak points in England rout
England manager Gareth Southgate was keeping his feet firmly on the ground despite the Three Lions' 6-1 World Cup group-stage rout of Panama yesterday, declaring, "I didn't particularly like the performance".
With a grin, Southgate explained to the BBC: "I'm being hyper-critical, but I didn't like the start, I didn't like the goal at the end. The bits in the middle were pretty good though!"
Southgate was speaking after a hat-trick from Harry Kane, a double from John Stones and another from Jesse Lingard sent England through to the last 16.
Kane, who has become only the third Englishman to score a World Cup hat-trick after Geoff Hurst (1966) and Gary Lineker (1986), is leading the World Cup's scoring charts with five goals, ahead of Cristiano Ronaldo and Romelu Lukaku, who have four each.
As it stands, England are level on goal difference with also-qualified Belgium, but top the group by virtue of yellow cards - two compared to the Belgians' three. Both teams meet on Friday morning (Singapore time).
Asked about possible changes to his XI to face Belgium, Southgate said: "I want to keep the momentum, we have to think about the team we want to put out, it's an opportunity for players who need a match who haven't played for a while but, on the other hand, we want to keep winning."
Reflecting on a record World Cup win for England - their previous best result was 3-0 - he added: "I was a bit anxious at the start, they (Panama) had six at the back and three in middle but, once we worked that out, I thought we played some really good stuff for 35 minutes."
Southgate's main gripe was his defence allowing Felipe Baloy to score Panama's first ever World Cup goal in the 78th minute.
But besides that, it was great for Kane to score a hat-trick.
Said Southgate: "That way, he didn't have the hump when I took him off!"
Said Kane: "We have to enjoy this. It's not every day we get to go through after two games."
He said his third goal, which came from a Ruben Loftus-Cheek shot that deflected off the English captain's heel into the net, "was one of the luckiest of my career". - AFP
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