Oh my, Izwan is big in Japan
For years, there was famous graffiti scrawled across a London railway bridge that simply read: "Clapton is god".
There's a rumour that the legendary guitarist's name has been rubbed out and replaced with Izwan Mahbud.
He's a very nice boy.
After a week of earning more slaps on the back than a choking child, the Singaporean goalkeeper was offered a trial by J-League side Matsumoto Yamaga.
The humble 24-year-old earned the invitation after he held out the four-time Asian champions, stabilised the Japanese yen, beat Jurassic World at the box office and defeated Joseph Schooling in a 50m swim.
Schooling was disadvantaged of course. He can only swim. Izwan walks on water.
But the Blue Samurai succumbed to the charms of the Lions goalkeeper and rightly so. He made 18 saves in the World Cup qualifier in Japan.
International goalkeepers do not make 18 saves in one match. Rob Green didn't make 18 saves in his entire England career.
But Izwan kept out Shinji Kagawa, Shinji Okazaki and the frustrated Keisuke Honda in Saitama. The Japanese thought they were up against a prejudiced traffic officer. He kept stopping the same Honda.
Yamaga's invitation may have the whiff of a PR exercise, but the J-League side should give Izwan a chance. A Singapore resident hasn't made such a dramatic first impression since I made a scene over the price of instant noodles at Tokyo's Narita Airport.
(The guy on the noodle counter might as well have been wearing a ski mask and waving a shotgun at me.)
But watching Izwan defy the Japanese almost brought a tear to the eye (a bit like the price of those noodles.
Izwan wasn't just representing his country. He was representing every Singaporean who has ever paid more than $10 for a plastic pot of noodles in Tokyo).
Witnessing all of Izwan's saves was like counting Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. It was hard to keep track.
Speaking in midweek, Yamaga's excited vice-president, Yoshiyuki Kato, told The New Paper: "(Izwan) was excellent and dominating and I think he has enough ability to be playing in the J-League."
Izwan has enough ability to play in the Cirque du Soleil. The job description usually involves working with clowns in major arenas.
You can insert your own joke here.
But Izwan's level of sustained agility usually belongs at the top of a trapeze with a safety net underneath.
Singapore football is not renowned for producing such performances and creating immediate international stars, much less "god-like" players.
That was the description bestowed upon Izwan by dumbstruck Japanese fans, which poses a few questions.
How does one earn "god-like" status? Who hands out such a prestigious accolade? Does it mean Izwan is now capable of producing miracles? If so, can he do something about West Ham next season?
If he can't do that, can he at least do something selfless, something noble that benefits all of Mankind, like ensuring there are no more Transformers movies?
At the very least, he should be able to handle the guitar riff in Layla.
That was always good enough to guarantee Eric Clapton's godliness.
Perhaps there's a secret club for "god-like" inductees to attend and mingle with the likes of Clapton, McCartney, Cantona, Ali, Federer and Beyonce's masseuse.
They'd share golden stories of their god-like brilliance and wish they could all swop places with Beyonce's masseuse.
Of course, Izwan is far too modest to get carried away by Yamaga's interest. He'd downplay his performance against Japan. He'd say it was a team effort and the precious point earned was all that mattered.
But the talented, rapidly rising Izwan genuinely deserves a shot at the big time in the J-League.
Remember, the man made 18 saves.
A footballer hasn't changed direction that many times since Arturo Vidal drove home from the casino.