WHERE CAN I GET A TITLEIST TRUCK?
After watching the British Open last weekend, I finally get it.
Now I understand why I don't shoot rounds in the 60s like the professionals.
I'm missing a few key ingredients, I learnt, as I watched Jordan Spieth claim the Claret Jug.
First, when I'm playing golf, thousands of people are not watching me.
This is unfair. When Spieth plays, throngs of people seem to turn up and line up along the fairways.
Not only do they help him spot the ball wherever he hits it, they also help provide a human wall to knock it back into play when it is headed into the wild yonder.
When I hit the ball 100 yards offline, I kiss it goodbye as it flies through the air, because it is either out of bounds or in places that I will never find it in the requisite five minutes.
Also, unlike Mr Spieth, I would have a marshal up my behind reminding me that I am 23 seconds behind the schedule the club placed on my buggy window.
Secondly, I have no rules officials following me around helping explain where I can take drops, or, for that matter, Titleist trucks somewhere along the line of where I plan to take my drop.
This is also very unfair.
Never has anyone ever allowed me to play from the driving range (yes, I have often hit balls there) and I would also love to tell my playing partners that the chief referee told me I could drop the ball on that wonderful lie so they can find a kite to fly if they don't like it.
Thirdly, and this is especially when I'm playing in Singapore, I don't have caddies telling me to "keep my posture" before every shot I hit and also using vulgar language to remind me that I'm one of the best players in the world after I make a few bogeys.
Can you see how I'm disadvantaged?
And if you are still not convinced, please note that at the courses I play, there are no spectator stands I can hit into to get a free drop and no one is trampling down the rough so that I get a perfect lie when I hit it into the thick stuff.
So, as you can see, with a few hundred thousand people watching, some star-struck referees, psychiatrist-caddies and a Titleist truck, I, too, could be shooting in the 60s regularly, making millions of dollars and thrilling all of you.
EDITORS. Muralimuralis@sph.com.sgCONTRIBUTING EDITORSGodfrey Robert
Tan Ju Kuang
Benny TeoCREATIVE EDITORJacqueline Wuwuyej@sph.com.sgSUB-EDITORSIda Karsia
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Reprinted by permission from the 08/17 issue of Golf Digest®. Copyright© 2017 Golf Digest Publications. All rights reserved.